How to know if you have a stable and committed relations

a happy couple
Without stability it is difficult to be a happy couple.

We all realize the importance of having stable relationships, but how can we be sure that we’re committed to each other for the long run.

Let’s look at some signs that we are in a good relationship with our partner.

You have more positive memories than negative ones.

The stability of your relationship often comes down to how well you perceive your relationship to be going. 

Our perceptions are often more important to us than the facts. This means that if we feel things are going bad, they will seem that way, whereas if we think the opposite, that will be the case. 

It hardly matters if everything is going well if you only remember the bad stuff, as that is what will be focused on in your mind.

Having good memories hardly matters if you only focus on the bad ones.

Realistically, you can judge how well your relationship is going by thinking of the memories you have of your partner. 

If you can only think of bad things, your relationship might not be going too well. If you can only think of good things, you may be wearing rose-coloured glasses, but things are likely going well.

The stability of our relationships depends on what we focus on and how easily we can get past the small stuff.

You can predict each other opinions.

When in a stable and committed relationship, we can often predict what our partners want or will choose in a situation.

I can say it is challenging to buy gifts for other people. I can only think of the things I’d want, which is often nothing.

On the other hand, you are likely in a relationship with your partner because you agree with each other about important values. Due to this connection, your opinions about things should be obvious most of the time.

You chose your partner due to shared values, so it shouldn’t be hard to predict their opinion.

The more we get to know someone, the more likely we are to have a good understanding of their wants and needs. Learning these things, we are usually on the same page regarding things that matter.

You don’t always have to agree, but knowing each other means knowing what to expect when certain situations arise.

You are still planning for the future.

The stability of your relationship has a lot to do with how you plan or look forward to the future.

If you and your partner stop talking about what you want to do in the future, it might mean that one of you has checked out and isn’t looking forward to what is to come.

In a previous relationship, my partner was always talking about how she wanted our wedding to be. I was not too fond of those conversations and mostly stayed silent; I didn’t want to plan a future together.

If neither of you wants to talk about the future, there is no future.

While we can’t always get what we want, and specific plans may be held back by our economic situation, if we aren’t talking about the future, we aren’t planning for it.

Maybe you and your partner have never talked about what comes next. But if one of you stops being interested in the future, there is no future.

You still care about each other’s needs.

The more time we spend together, the more routine life becomes, but if we stop noticing each other’s needs, things aren’t going well.

My wife has gotten terrible migraines forever, and at this point, it is a part of our routine. But this doesn’t mean I ignore her; instead, I get the ice pact, turn off the lights and make her some soup if she can eat.

Routines can be an opportunity to show love or a lack of it.

In any relationship, we must take care of each other. Taking care of each other also shows that we are committed to the well-being of our partner, which is critical for a successful relationship.

If you stop caring about your partner’s needs, you may have lost interest in them, which is a bad sign for the stability of your relationship. 

You can stand time apart.

If you don’t trust your partner, you will have trouble if they aren’t around cause you will suspect they are up to no good. If you are in a codependent relationship, the idea of spending time away from each other will be challenging.

Spending time apart is a normal part of a healthy relationship. If being apart causes anxiety, anger or negative emotions, it likely means some unsettled issues need attention.

If you can’t be apart, it is essential to ask yourself why?

If you can’t be happy by yourself, you need to work on yourself. If you can’t be happy when your partner is away, you must also work on yourself. If you and your partner fall apart when you are apart, you both need to work on yourselves.

If you are in a good place, then spending time apart shouldn’t be difficult, but if your relationship has trust issues or codependency, you likely aren’t standing on stable ground.

You can have difficult conversations.

Difficult conversations are a part of any healthy relationship. If you can’t be honest about how you feel or what is bothering you, you can’t get what you need out of your relationship.

It is normal to get upset when people tell us things we don’t want to hear, but how we respond afterwards matters more. Do we take the advice and move forward? Or do we dwell on it and get angry?

If you can’t be honest with your partner, something has gone wrong.

Growing up and being a better person is a process of giving and taking. If you can’t take a compliment or criticism from your partner, who can you take it from? Likewise, if everything you say gets an extreme reaction, you aren’t going to get what you need in return.

Honesty is the best policy, especially in relationships, at least in moderation. If you can’t speak your mind to your partner, who can you talk to?

You trust each other, and you can depend on each other.

Trust in a relationship is critical; if you can’t trust your partner, then you can’t move forward with that person. Trust and stability go hand in hand.

Trust may mean knowing that your partner isn’t going to ditch you for someone else, but it should also mean that you can depend on your partner when you need them most. If something goes wrong, you need to know that your partner will be there for you.

Without trust, you’ve got nothing.

We need to be able to trust our partners; without that, we are not in a committed relationship. If anything, commitment is a synonym for trust; we commit to what we trust and have faith in.

You need to know that your partner will be there for you when something goes wrong. If they won’t be with you, where will they be?

Fights don’t leave you both stewing afterwards.

Every relationship has conflict, and arguments are a part of that, but as long as we can be civil and caring, you can move on afterwards. But if an argument leaves someone stewing, it is like the fight never ended.

Moving on after conflict is the key to maintaining a stable relationship because it means you can deal with friction as a couple. In life, there will be good and bad times. It is easy to stay together when things are going well, but it is most important to be there for each other when things are going bad.

The strength of a relationship is determined by how we deal with conflict.

Part of being a mature adult is the ability to move on from conflict; if you or your partner lacks that in their life, they might not be ready for a committed relationship.

If things always have to go your way or you can’t get over the past, life will always be disappointing. Happiness comes from focusing on the positive, even when it isn’t so obvious.

You still support each other and enable growth.

Whether we are early in our career or late, or if we are starting something new or getting ready to retire, we need support from our partner. And as the saying goes, every ending is a new beginning.

We never stop growing, so we need to work together with our partners to ensure that they can grow, and they need to make sure that we can grow. And along with growth, we need support with the endeavours and challenges we face.

Without a supportive partner, you are better off doing it alone.

If you don’t get support from your partner, why are they in your life? If they are holding you back from becoming your best self, they aren’t helping you, and you should think hard about why you are still with them.

No matter what stage you are in your life, having a stable relationship means that your partner is with you no matter what. If they aren’t helping you or are holding you back, then they are not committed to the relationship.

We are all in different phases of our evolution, but if your partner isn’t on your side, they prevent you from being your best self.

You still view each other positively.

This relates to the first point about your memories, but this is more to the point: if you don’t view your partner positively, your relationship is broken.

All couples go through rough patches, it is part of life, and nothing is always good or bad. But if the rough patch is never-ending, you might want to ask yourself what is broken.

If you still love your partner, then you can improve the situation.

As the saying goes, it takes two to tango, so hopefully, your feelings are mutual. Ultimately, if you love each other, whatever you are going through right now is merely temporary, and you’ll be able to work it out.

Relationships are complicated, and we shouldn’t give up when we hit challenging times. That is part of life; if we haven’t given up yet, we can push forward toward better things.

Your relationship stops being stable when you give up on it.

If your partner has already given up, then there might not be much you can do, but if your partner is still committed, it is up to you to keep things going.

Do you think that you are in a stable and committed relationship? What advice do you have for people having difficulty with their relationships? If you’ve had a relationship that didn’t work out, what would you have done differently if you could?

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Robert Carr

Over the years, I've learnt to see things in a different light. This website is my place to share those insights and give my unique perspective on living a meaningful life.

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